4 years out the game now im back

Where to start really. These last couple years have been crazy and at times pretty shit. I last regularly posted on insta/YouTube nearly 5 years ago.

This isn't the worst thing im only 25 and alot of people haven't even started yet so at least im only re starting.

I don't really know what happened to me but I lost my way. I've been dragged down by depression and life in general for a long time.

After my last prep I just felt done with the sport of bodybuilding and needed a break from the gym. During that planned short break I had an accident and chopped my finger off (was re-attached) so my planned short break became months. Following this I had a plethora of other injuries in a short time. (Broke my foot, shattered my knee cap, snapped elbow tendon) this all led to me having more and more time away from the gym until eventually I became comfortable in my new life. I got a 9-5 and felt basically content ( still had a mad work ethic)

Not long after this we found out that my girlfriend was pregnant and we then had a awesome little girl. This was amazing and also the start of my really bad mental health issues.

As alot of you will know my childhood was far from ideal and a child for myself was never really on the cards. I was already struggling to be supportive of my girlfriend during the pregnancy and when she was born I struggled even harder. I put high expectations on my self to be a better parent than I had had and consistently failed in that due to my own issues.

I found myself becoming more distant from my family and this eventually led to some mistakes being made on my part that very easily could have ended my relationship.

During the time that me and my girlfriend were separated I had alot of time to reflect on myself and my actions though out my entire life and I have come to alot of conclusions.

1. I struggle with emotions and being empathetic

2. I set extremely high bars for myself and then beat myself up when I fail to achieve them immediately

3. Something had always been missing in my life. Except at one point.

The one point I am referring to there is when I was at my peak fitness and working hard to build something.

During these last few months of separation I have rediscovered who I can be. I have a high work ethic and would often find myself bored and feeling unfulfilled by life except when I have big goals and something to work towards.

Now I'm back in the gym. I've lost alot of weight and am aiming to return to social media shortly.

I am chasing my dreams again and also being a better dad and partner. So little motivation for you. If someone as fucked up as me can work harder to be a better person you all can.

See you in the gym

Love yah

Tom